MAKE NO MISTAKE, this is drivel. I make no apologies for that fact. Almost all of what almost everyone says is almost always drivel. I am not trying to enlighten anyone, I am not trying to piss anyone off (mostly), and I’m not searching for anything. I’m simply wittering on like a demented jackdaw because I’m toying with the notion that some kind of expression might be cathartic, which is probably drivel in itself, but it passes the time, which lets face it, is the only reason we’re here. So if you feel like commenting then go for it, but bear in mind that, opinionated though I am, I’m well aware that the defining quality of humanity is the paradoxically hilarious belief that we know what we’re talking about, when we invariably don’t. I’m no different, so expect nothing but drivel. Well intentioned though it may be, it’s going to be dangerously misguided, laughably ill-informed, largely presumptuous, wholly inaccurate, completely inane, quintessentially offensive complete and utter bollocks.

I have been driven to this by a significant number of friends who seem to appreciate some of the garbage I spout on facebook from time to time. I’m going to lay 80% of the blame on Ben (Pencil) Scott, who made such an effort to get me motivated it would seem churlish to do nothing in response. So I could probably say I’m being coerced, or even held to ransom here, but that would just be an excuse to remain lazy, so I won’t say those things.

I don’t like 90% of anything I’ve ever written down. It’s generally under the influence of something. Whether it turns out to be witty or crude or purile or fatuous or boring or pathetic depends entirely on what that something is. Right now I’m sober, so I’ll forgive you if you’ve already lost interest. Unfortunately I haven’t yet mastered the correct quantities of ingestion to create a desired result. Also I don’t know what the desired result is. One of my more common routines is falling asleep tittering like a moron at something terribly clever I’ve just written, only to wake up a few hours later to hurriedly delete it for fear of being labeled a cunt.

The creation of this page then could be seen as a milestone in my development, in that the chances of being thus labeled are likely to be increased dramatically. The trick will be to accept it graciously. (insert bitter laugh here)

I have always been perplexed by the human condition, by which I mean the fanatical dismissal of the most obviously beneficial of the various choices presented. Or to put it another way, in the absence of factual information, the tendency to fill the gaps with utter dogshit. There is nothing new here, and the world falls into one of three groups: those who are not aware of this; those who are aware and like to crap on about it at length until everyone gets fucking sick of hearing it; and those who are aware but have long since realised that there’s nothing to be done about it and have taken up golf. I’m trying to move away from the center, one way or the other.

So this can either be seen as a hopefully satirical social commentary based around daily observation of the asshole that is man, or more realistically an angry and bewildered diatribe about the inability of evolution to get it right, or even more likely, the ravings of a complete maniac rendered irrational by the same evolutionary failure. I’ll probably throw in some some delightful anecdotes about kittens, just to keep the balance.

In any event, you’d do better to walk away.